Listen... I'm crying and i don't know why, i'm lonely and i'm full of sorrow, i'm complicated and i'm fucked in the head, i'm losing it, and i'm turning around, this knife in my heart hearts too much, i can't seem to take it out... i'm freaking out i'm losing out i'm opting out i wanna leave. i wanna run away i lived my life knowing reasons why things happen, and for the first time in my life i cannot explain everything. i hate the fact that i'm not good enough, i hate the fact that everyone looks down on me, i hate the fact that i can't have as much friends as you, i hate the fact that i keep crying inside i hate the fact that no one can help me i hate the fact that i can't love i hate the fact that i hate hate i hate the fact thatlove is just a game i hate the fact that words are merely words with no substance i hate the fact that i'm in love with you and you wont love me too i hate the fact that i can't have you i hate the fact that i want you so bad i hate the fact that i think you're beautiful and you make my heart melt i hate the fact that when i stare into your eyes it could make me cry i hate the fact that when you speak you reach into my soul and closed my most secretive pandoras box i hate the fact that people wont look at me i hate the fact that people wont wanna get to know me i hate the fact that i'm ego-istic i hate the fact that i'm not loved i hate the fact that i have to go home to my empty room i hate the fact that i keep suffering i hate the fact that i make the wrong choices I hate the fact that people think i'm a kid i hate the fact that women manipulate me i hate the fact that people don't take me seriously i hate the fact that life is just what it gives i hate the fact that i'm living in a lie i hate the fact that i have to pretend i'm happy, when i'm all broken inside i hate the fact that i hate you i hate the fact that i loved you i hate the fact that i had a crush on you i hate the fact that i no longer know you i hate the fact that i can't control my life i hate the fact that i'm too paranoid i hate the fact that i'm always feeling lonely i hate the fact that i can't sleep at night i hate the fact that there's no one who would help me i hate the fact that my sunshine is gone i hate the fact that i'm turning in to MR HYDE i hate the fact that i am no longer me i hate the fact that i have to grow up i hate the fact that i have to carry too many burdens i hate the fact that i can't have fun i hate the fact that i can't fit in i hate the fact that i'm not excepted i hate the fact that i'm boring i hate the fact that i do and say the wrong things at the wrong times i hate the fact that you're the only one i have and you betrayed me i hate the fact that life has never been fair i hate the fact that the clock ticks and i grow a day older knowing i've accomplished nothing i hate the fact that i even bothered to write this! i hate the fact that i am me i hate the fact that everyone depends on me i hate the fact that i'm so selfish i hate the fact that i'm so egoistic i hate the fact that i am me i hate the fact that i am me i hate the fact that i am me i hate everything. everyone is against me. i want what i can't get. i need what i had craved. i'm lonely and no one cures me. i seek help when needed but nobody helps me. what ever happened to me? what ever happened to the sweet lovable gentlemen that i was? why am i this spiteful hatefull egoistic person? you don't care anyway... so why am i tellin you? "say if you wanna love me say, oh don't be shy, lets cause a scene, lets lovers do on silver screens... lets make it yeah we'll cause a scene... it's indie rock and roll for me...." what ever happened to me? what ever happened to the sweet lovable gentlemen that i was? why am i this spiteful hatefull egoistic person? you don't care anyway... so why am i tellin you? "say if you wanna love me say, oh don't be shy, lets cause a scene, lets lovers do on silver screens... lets make it yeah we'll cause a scene... it's indie rock and roll for me...."

13.8.05 05:39 Permalink / 1 Comment / comment

Updated Photographs! Check it out! http://cally83.deviantart.com/gallery Updated photographs. tell me what u think... thanks =)

23.7.05 06:47 Permalink / 1 Comment / comment

Quotes To live by... "I waked, she fled, and day brought back my night." -Milton "For long you live and high you fly and smiles you'll give and tears you'll cry and all that you touch and all that you see is all your life will ever be." -Pink Floyd "Sweet is love when all is sane Sweet is death to rid the pain Cruel is death when all is well Cruel is love when all is hell" -Author unkown "Life is not the amount of breaths you take, it's the moments that take your breath away." "Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love. If you must steal, steal away from bad company. If you must cheat, cheat death. And if you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away." "Because that's what people do. They leap, and hope to God they can fly, because otherwise. you just drop like a rock, wondering the whole way down, why in the *hell* did I jump? But here I am, Sarah, falling, and the only one that makes me feel like I can fly... is you." "It's no secret that a conscience can sometimes be a pest It's no secret ambition bites the nails of success Every artist is a cannibal, every poet is a thief All kill their inspiration and sing about the grief" -Bono, U2 "When the night has been too lonely And the road has been too long And you think that love is only For the lucky and the strong Just remember in the winter Far beneat the winter spreads Lies the seed that with the sun's love In the spring becomes the rose." -"The Rose" by Bette Midler "Love to be loved, Hate to be hated, Love not to be hated, Hate not to be loved."

21.7.05 13:26 Permalink / comment

Manipulation Manipulation is the art of Twisting lies and words to get the other party to love and respond to you. the art of manipulation is that people, wont know it's lies. thus making you the greatest word theif around.

13.7.05 14:23 Permalink / comment

Script.. i have written a script. Soon i'll post it up. It's actually in 2 languages Malay and English. for those who don't understand, i'll translate it soon enough.... =)

13.7.05 14:07 Permalink / comment

Words of wisdom for the lonely hearted? I'm stuck. i have a girl who refuses to meet me because she's not ready. It's like i have a girlfriend but i don't. too bad, everything didn't end up well... too much of a story to talk about... here's what i think. When people are in love, they are willing to take risks. they jump and they leap. Hope to God they can fly. Cause, otherwise, we drop like a rock. Wondering, on the way down, "why in the world did i jump?" But here i am, Falling, hoping to meet that someone who can actually make me feel like i can fly.. And that person could be you... i'm all lost but faith kept me waiting. i've never felt about anyone like this before and i've never been this miserable before, but if that is what it takes to be with her, then so be it. I'd rather be lonely and miserable.If love was this hard. then so it shall be.

13.7.05 14:06 Permalink / 1 Comment / comment

Hmm... i had absolutely no idea that i had messages from people. All these while, i believed nobody really ever checked out my blog. beside it being promoted like crazy, but really not much people actually do check out this site... What's been going on? I quit music. I quit Martial Arts. Why? because of my carrier. I decided to give up things that took too much of my time and money. decided to spend more time on things that can help me in the future. however in return, i started a passion for photography, which you can see some of my photography at www.cally83.deviantart.com/gallery and to replace martial arts, i started bodybuilding. though it sounds weird, but it has improved my life. i'm still single though.... and that sucks. heheh

13.7.05 14:00 Permalink / comment

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